home, sweet (and true), home.

it's been almost 8 months since we bought our first home. in the first couple of weeks after moving in,  i had a few crying spells. i know that might sound crazy but it felt overwhelming to have bought something so big. a car is big enough... don't get me wrong, i am really thankful for the cars and house we own. i truly am. but after having such a mobile life and knowing how stuff (big, heavy stuff in particular) weighs us down...and after having moved from germany to florida and then to indiana in the spanse of 3 years (while having major job changes and becoming parents)...it all felt, on one hand, like a sigh of relief to move into our home and on the other, terrifying.
the idea of settling down in one geographical place has always come with mixed emotions for me. when i was younger, i sometimes wished we didn't move so much. some moves were hard and took more time to recover from than i would've liked them to. i'll always wonder what it feels like to grow up in one place and live by people who have stayed in the same place for most of their lives. as i grew older, i became more and more glad for the way i grew up. i also began to believe that i was just the type of person that needs to never, ever settle for too long...that i need to travel and keep moving and never feel stuck. while those conclusions arose from valid feelings given how i've grown up and from parts of how God has made me, much of it has also come from fear and immaturity. and fear and immaturity keep us from seeing rightly, plain and simple. there is a lot of value and health in steadiness and learning to be content in all situations -even those that you thought you couldn't be content in (and that goes for whether you are “feeling it” or not). at least, i'm learning this.
settling down as a family has been the way God has asked us to trust him and, in faith, taste and see how He is good in this place and in this season of life.
so it's been almost 8 months. i have an amazing amount of things to be thankful for, in this place we call a home. i'm really thankful for how faithful and true to his word God has been to us, despite us. and as we've settled into this house, it's been good for me to remember that we are not truly home yet. one thing i have learned from travel, moving and being unable to "keep" all of of the places and people i love, is that we are not home and will never be this side of heaven. i’ve realized that all of the places and people in the world that make me feel at home are like sweet mini-homecomings: gifts to remind me of the journey we're all on. i've tried and spent a lot of time wishing i could figure out how to keep all of those mini-homecomings.  but, i can't.  i can however, choose to be thankful and look ahead to when all things will come together.  when home in the most complete sense, will be a reality.
the song 'beautiful' by phil wickham, the following quote by c.s. lewis and the verse below in 2 corinthians have encouraged me more than once lately, as i've pondered and longed for my home, sweet (and true), home.

"our father refreshes us on the journey with some pleasant inns, but will not encourage us to mistake them for home"
- c.s. lewis
"we look not at the things which are seen but the things which are unseen, for the things that are seen are temporary, but the things that are unseen are eternal."
-2 corinthians 4:18








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