the waddling wait

yes, i'm pregnant, and yes, i do feel like i look: like a wobbling and rather huge creature who may pop at any given moment. why are people so unable to address pregnant women, especially those pregnant women who are obviously close to the end of their pregnancy? this phenomenon continues to provide hilarious and sometimes, quite honestly, annoying social interaction for me.

here are just a few of my favorites as far as comments go:

"wow, you are really, really big." -with a larger-than-italics-can-express-emphasis on, "really, really big."
"are you due soon???" -as in, please tell me you must be or we might have to call the guinness book of world records...or an ambulance.
"she's going to have that baby any minute now" -said while talking to someone else but audible enough for me (and most of the surrounding public) to hear.
"when are you due again??" -asked while looking at my belly with wide-eyed wonderment over the fact that delivery hasn't already occurred....

in all fairness, i know there's something about a woman who is close to delivery that makes you stop in your tracks and notice that she's coming on through and that she's near the end (or must be). i notice them too. but when you are that woman, trying to make it through and hopefully not getting stuck in-between narrow restaurant passage-ways, public bathroom stall doors, store aisles and in the rigorous manuevering of trying to get a 30+ lb wiggly toddler into a shopping cart while keeping the cart steady and working around a bulgling belly... it can be downright difficult to be gawked at. yes, as a matter of fact, I do feel like an elephant at the zoo, thank you for confirming that i look the part as well. and yes, i too feel like i cannot possibly grow any larger and am not sure how i function at this size as i do. and yes, i also very much do feel like lying around on cold pavement and lethargically swatting flies (or your silly comments)...at least throw me some peanuts, people (preferrably, the chocolate-covered M & M variety)...

but, despite these feelings and social realities, i'm forcing myself to keep waddling walking and to keep getting up off the couch for more squatting, yoga, blogging away,  chasing my 2 year old little boy around the house and waiting.

because this is a time like no other, right?

i keep wondering when i will go into labor and how everything will take its course. at times, i find it incredibly disconcerting that i cannot grasp control of the situation and know exactly what will happen. on the other hand, it is very rightly comforting and stretching (no pun intended) to know that this event to come is not in my hands and that there is a very good God in control and in the driver's seat - one who fashioned little timothy and not only sees him in my womb right now but knows him and all of his days to come. and one who also knows just how large i can grow to be and still function and still be asked to wait and wait well.

there are so many things in life like this. right before matt asked me to marry him, there were signs that it was coming soon, there was a feeling of being "expectant," and feeling that the time may be just around the corner... there would have been ways to maneuver and try to control when this happened but it wouldn't have been as sweet or as right, if i had.

sometimes the end of a waiting period can be so challenging, but i'm convinced - even at this super-sized stage in the game - that it is not to be run over or rushed through or that it should be grasped for control and manipulation. that never seems to work out well for anyone, as far as i've seen and experienced.

why do we all struggle so much with waiting?

it’s hardly described as easy for anyone.  for me, the struggle seems to boil down to a few things. first, a combination of fear and trust. too often, i have too much of one emotion and not enough of the other. and the other thing: thankfulness. when i'm thankful for what "is" in the moment (even the discomforts of 3rd trimester pregnancy) and what's been given for the day, i can wait with so much more joy and contentment and “laugh at the days to come,” like the woman described in proverbs 31 (whom i sometimes still dislike, shhhh, just being honest here).  when i’m not thankful, it’s like trying to get through the day and function without my contacts or glasses.  my vision is impaired.  there's lots of stumbling and fumbling around and i am prone to break something along the way.

right now, i'm called to wait, wobbling and huge, but it is what i'm to do with what God has given me. sometimes the blaringly obvious call of God over our everyday lives is too easily dismissed by us and our desires for something that seems more heroically christian, but is really just heroically hollywood-looking,  to come along. i've felt this way especially since God has called me into motherhood and into all of the mundane and invisible-feeling work it so often entails.

so, i'll endure those half-thought-through comments with a polite smile, knowing it's just part of this sweet time of expectancy and patience; knowing in faith that there is more than "getting through it" in my call to wait and wait well.

what are you called to wait well for, right now?
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