Trusting God, 4 weeks in

It has been a little over 4 weeks since our biggest little started Kindergarten.  Here's how our littlest feels about dropping big brother off at school everyday:

I wrote about the transition here awhile back.  On one hand, I feel as if the amount of time I spent worrying doesn't have much to show for itself now that we are in the thick of having a little grade-schooler.  I am thankful for that and reminded for the billionth time that worry does nothing but steal time, distract me from the right perspective and give me more gray hairs.  On the other hand, I feel as if we have just opened up a whole new book and we are only in the first few pages. 

One thing has really stuck out to me as we have embarked on this new adventure: It is a place of opportunity for me to trust God and turn to him.  Daily,  as I drop my little ninja off,  I have to remind myself of the things I say and claim to believe:  that God knows him and loves him more than I do, that he is made for good things, that he is made for a greater purpose than I know, that God is working to draw our son to know and understand his never-giving-up love, that God has his eyes on the sparrow and on my boy and with that, on all of the little people he spends his school days with....  I feel my heart stretching everyday, like it always has since the the day this big little was born.  It's a constant mommy tug-of-war isn't it?  This receiving the gift of our littles while simultaneously letting go...

Our big boy loves school.  He's learning a lot.  He is also having interactions with others that has given us a ton to talk about at home as a family.  He's already made new friends and he's already had some friends decide not to play with him on a given day.  He's been tired by the long days but he's also surprised us with how much energy he has and how the tiredness is much less of an issue than we thought it would be for him.  One day he came home telling me how he didn't have crayons anymore because he gave his away to someone else who had lost theirs.  Is it bad that I was surprised by his act of generosity?  He's been overjoyed to be a helper whenever he gets an opportunity and has been praying for his classmates when they are sick on his own initiative.   He's also decided which of his classmates is good and which is bad and we've had to talk about believing the best about others, making wise choices and not being so quick to label and judge.  We are getting to know and see new sides of our big little boy.

I write all of this not to say that we are decidedly public school people.  This really has nothing to do with that.  Yes, we are doing the public school thing.  It's not perfect.  Nothing is.  I've wondered if we should homeschool many times before today.  But the point has come to this for me:  there just isn't a right way to do it.  Before Asher started school I really wondered if there was and was so stressed over the possibility of us not choosing the right thing for him.  Honestly, it was ridiculous though it truly was my reality for months,  and all of it was fueled by fear.  For the record,  I have good friends and family I admire who send their kids to public school and I have good friends and family I admire who homeschool.  And others who do both. What I am learning to admire most about all of my friends and family is how they depend on God and trust him with their treasures in whatever setting they are in.

I am learning that how we do what we do is MUCH less about the specifics people get all up-in-arms over and bumper sticker their cars with.   Instead, it matters because of  how we come to know God because of it.  God hasn't clearly told me that yes,  our son should be in pubic school or that he's called us to it.  He's just been so very ever-present, drawing us to trust him further as we walk forward in this season.

I have still struggled with worry at times as I've wondered how my little ninja is doing throughout the day (and pondered if I should drive by the school and try to peek in a window or spy on him on the playground-can we say helicopter-parent tendencies???).... I am reminded continually that God wants me to know him and know he is my God in those very moments.  He has pursued me in this season and is relentless to have my trust and show me yet again in a fresh way that he is with us.  Will I choose to trust him and depend on him with my biggest treasures?

In the book of Ezekiel, God does a series of things or allows things to happen to his people for (as he states it over 50 times in the book)  this  reason: "...then they will know that I am the Lord their God."  It is striking if you read through the book and see that this is his desire whether his people are facing judgement for their actions or mercy despite their actions - all of it was for the same end and his pursuit of them is obvious.  I am struck with God's heart and his clear and deep desire that his people would truly know him and know he is their God.

Isn't it the same for all of us?  In all things - that we would know him and know he is our God and believe him?

I am so thankful for this moment, every afternoon:

What circumstances, decisions or transitions do you face today?  Do you need to remember that He desires for you know him and know he is YOUR God, too?  Knowing him is where we will find our true and lasting peace for all things, after all.
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